Blog 13

Corey and Corey’s (2010) chapter on meaning and values may have been exactly the inspiration I need in facing the end-of-semester-blues and personal tests that I am currently experiencing. Though I cannot begin to fathom the despair that was illustrated in the Holocaust-survival stories (pg. 377), I have a personal anecdote that I have not been able to completely put into words until reading this chapter. On my recent trip to Jamaica, we were sitting by a fountain one night when this older woman approached us to chat. She quickly told us the story of her daughter who is essentially a vegetable because she was hit by a drunk driver several years ago. First of all, I was put off by her sharing because it was clear that she rattles off this story to anyone who will listen—which, as you know, is one of my biggest pet peeves. While Eric encouraged her resentment by perpetuating the negative beliefs about the man, I chose to take it upon myself to enlighten this woman to the freedom of positivity (that was pompous sarcasm, in case my tone didn’t translate properly). Anyway, I don’t think I even put a chink in the armor of her negativity (especially since my counterpart was commiserating with her), but I felt that I at least attempted to embody the sense of control that Corey and Corey (2010) discuss in this chapter. By focusing on her resentment, she was only harming her own spiritual condition: not his. I asked her to consider thinking about the love she has for her daughter and grandchildren as a way to focus her strong emotions.

            In reading Don Miguel Ruiz’s (2000; as cited in Corey & Corey, 2010) four agreements to a healthy philosophy of life (pg. 380), I found that the one I struggle with the most is not taking things personally. I welcome and often ask for constructive criticism, but I also focus on the negative feedback (you may have heard me in Group on Monday night: “Someone gave me a 9/10 in flexibility?!”) even when it (clearly) is not negative. I suppose I think a lifetime of being open to feedback should have led me to a place in emerging adulthood where I shouldn’t need much more work (this is delusional, I know) so I need to learn to accept that I will always be a work in progress. My biggest challenge with this was when I graduated from my undergrad. I asked three professors for letters of references, including one from my arch nemesis (he and I had a tumultuous student-teacher relationship). His letter rated my emotional maturity as a 2 on a scale of 1-4. As I was ripping up his letter on the phone with my mom, she told me that I won’t learn anything from the professors who wrote shining letters of reference, but I will learn a lot about myself from teachers like this. This advice, like most motherly-advice, proved to be true. I have learned greatly the ability to code-switch while maintaining my sense of humor.

Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Meaning and Values. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.