In this- my middle adulthood, my roles within my family play a large part in my decision making. I simultaneously fill the roles of wife, mother and daughter. As I sometimes still struggle to find my own footing as an adult; I am also witnessing 2 of my children prepare for these processes. Though they are 17 and 14, I feel it is important to be mindful of these steps toward autonomy. In particular are the ideas of independence and maturity. During adolescence, independence is often confused with disobedience or acting on one’s self centered motivations. In fact, autonomy requires a deeper knowledge of the self and one’s own values and choosing actions in support of those mutually beneficial beliefs (Corey, 2010). This is a notion I often use to assist my children in their decision making. I find the introspective knowledge of values very important to self guidance. I, like many other nurturers, find myself to be an approval seeker. I find I am better able to consider my own needs now, having a deeper connection to my personal values.
The Corey’s use of the word interdependence instead of independence also stands out for me. I appreciate that my own family of origin have always had close relationships. Throughout the years, I have witnessed my family taking care of our elders and in many cases, welcoming to our homes, family in need of extra care. This extends to younger generations as well. We have always looked to our family members when we need help with our children. My husband’s family also had a similar structure; allowing us to share similar ideals in that respect. I believe this is beneficial in parenting. Interdependence within a family then requires being an autonomous thinker, while actively building the relationships with those around you. The word independence however denotes solitude and a less cooperative view of life. We must promote interdependence to live within a society which requires working together.
Family has different meaning for every individual, even within the same relative group. Much of this differentiation comes from the internal scripts, experiences and perspectives we call our own. We can either choose to let these thoughts be a hindrance in our lives or we can approach the negative scripts with compassion. There were some resiliency measures mentioned in the Corey reading (2010). Mindfulness is a tool I often promote in my family and personally practice. This can include the simple act of noticing where you are in space, focusing on the sounds around you, or noticing your breath. Such activities can exercise your brain to stop the ongoing chatter that causes us to react instead of respond to or better yet create life. When we can cultivate mindfulness we are more aware of our impact on the world and the impact of our own thoughts in our lives. Another tool mentioned is the concept that -the only thing you can change is yourself. This is closely echoed in the “Golden Rule” (do unto others…) Releasing ourselves from the falsehood that others must live up to our ideals for us to be happy, gives us the ability to consider our parts in our relationships and to accept responsibility for our perspectives and actions. As professionals we have the ability to guide those in our care to make mindful decisions, to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions and to live in this world in a mutually respectful manner. These basic principles are the building blocks of both family and community.
Corey,G.,& Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth. (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.
No comments:
Post a Comment