Post 2

            This was a good review of some basic psychology and educational classes I had back in undergraduate school. Obviously these life stages are a good framework to help us understand the complexities of different moments in children’s lives. At the same time, it is interesting to go back and connect our own childhood to what we have become today.

            After last week’s group discussions about relationships and who we are, I began to think about my childhood. I am not a fan of admitting this, but I was raised by neglectful parents (well, parent in my circumstance). A neglectful parent is not greatly involved in a child’s life and is not very accepting of their children (Corey and Corey 2010). As I grew up in this environment, I sought love and attention from others because I was lacking it at home. My friends became my family because I felt welcomed and cared. They filled a void in my life.

As I grew older, I became more and more distant from my own family. Like most neglected children, I felt lonely. Going through high school and college, I feel that I have definitely used the compensation ego-defense mechanism. I would often mask my weaknesses, limitations, and pain with positive “fillers” - more friends, successes in athletics, and popularity just to name a few (Corey and Corey 2010). I figured the more people who liked me; the less lonely I would feel. I made it a point to become a social butterfly. I participated in sports and achieved successes which further hid my loneliness.

The Steinberg article ties into my willingness to fit in and be cool. I can remember doing some crazy stuff just to impress my friends. Looking back on the incidents today, I can say they were risks, but then, it was just another thing to do to keep us busy. Truth and Dare was a huge game during my adolescence. I would more often than not choose Dare. The more crazy things I did, the more friends I gained.

Even though I enjoyed having many friendships, I still had a very independent mentality. I was not dependent on these relationships. I would often think to myself in high school that in order to succeed I would have to do it alone. This independency stuck with me throughout high school and college.

When I received my first job in South Carolina after graduating college, my ego-defense mechanism did not hold up. I lost my friends, my popularity, and at the time, my life. It took me some time to get it back together. First, I had to search within to build my own self concept and confidence. Today, I can say that it is still a work in progress.

Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.

Steinberg, L. (2008). A social neuroscience perspective on adolescent risk-taking. Developmental Review, 78-106.