Being
that I am newly married and still consider myself to be in the “honeymoon”
phase, love is something that is constantly on my mind. My own parents got divorced after 26 years of
marriage and so my own wedding was extremely important to me. I wanted to make sure that I was choosing the
right person and that I was going to be able to make a lifetime commitment to
this one person. I found myself evaluating
our relationship and over analyzing things simply because I wanted to be sure
that I was not going to make the same mistake that my parents did. In the end, I realized that my husband and I
are going to have our arguments, but that does not mean that there is anything
wrong with our relationship because it is all about the commitment that you are
making with one another. We are
promising to stand by one another through thick and thin; no matter what. This chapter seemed to reiterate many of the
things I was thinking about just a few months ago.
I
completely agree with the list of ingredients that are necessary in any long
term relationship. They listed, “self-acceptance,
acceptance by one’s partner, appreciation of one another, effective
communication, commitment, realistic expectations, common interests,
collaborative decision making, and the ability to deal with conflict effectively”
(Corey & Corey, 2008, p. 176).
Before you can have the ability to truly love and appreciate another,
you first need to love and appreciate yourself.
Additionally, you need to be able to work together to both solve
conflicts and also to make decisions.
You are going to be with this person for the rest of your life and so
you need to be able to talk about what things are important to you and what you
need. This brings me to what I think is
the most important characteristic of a good relationship; communication. You need to be able to share your thoughts
and ideas openly with your partner. We
are all constantly evolving and growing and if you are not talking to your
partner and letting them grow with you, then you are bound to grow apart.
First
comes love, second comes marriage, and third comes the baby in the baby
carriage, right?! At least that is what everyone thinks at your wedding! Although my husband and I are not planning on
having children anytime soon, we still discuss parenting styles and the ways we
would like to eventually raise our children.
I found the article by Keltner (2004) extremely interesting and I
enjoyed the section related to how parenting styles can affect an individual’s
inert sense of compassion. It states, “Parents
who use induction and reasoning raise children who are better adjusted and more
likely to help their peers” (p. 9). It
is so gratifying to know that you can truly influence your children and the way
that you raise them can hopefully make them better people. I hope to one day be able to use this type of
parenting with my children and to challenge them to think about the
consequences of their actions rather than simply telling them what is right and
wrong.
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a
choice: Explorations in personal growth (9th ed.).
Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.
Keltner, D. (2004, Spring). The compassionate instinct. Greater
Good, 6-9.
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