Holly Miller #7

          I think this is one of those chapters that brings the stories out of people. Bring out the tissues-this could be a tough one! I read this chapter with great interest because I think relationships are one of the most important things in life. People are irreplaceable. The relationships we develop with our families, friends, and significant others are critical to developing our trust in the world. The relationships we develop in early adulthood are also critical but many of these relationships, as intense as they may feel, do not last. Corey and Corey (2010) note that the challenge of forming intimate relationships is one of  the major tasks of early adulthood. These young relationships teach us a great deal about ourselves and they can form the basis for future adult relationships. As future counselors, we need to take this into account in order to help our young people make good decisions about relationships.
          I remember struggling to find a boy like my father when I was young. In fact, I spent most of 20's looking for him. (I could go on for hours about what I learned from 'dating' but I'm sure you all have stories of your own!)  My father is loving, kind, and is a good listener. He treats my mother with great respect. In fact, he treats all people with respect. He once told me "Never make fun of anyone. ALL people have value. Also, you never know who might be your boss someday." I learned so much about respect and love from him. I thought it would be easy to be able to find a partner like him. Well, it wasn't. It ended up taking me until I was 30 to find someone I could share my life with. I always kept my expectations very high and I would never lower them no matter what. Both of my parents always taught me that I was my own unique person and that I should never let go of my identity for anyone. I waited to find someone who was loving, kind, a good listener, and would let me be myself. I did something that is very difficult to do-I ended up dating a person very different from myself. This has made all the difference. I always tell people who are looking for the right person the following- don't create an image in your mind of what you want. That only serves to limit the potential for love. Instead, try talking to people you would have never imagined talking to before. Change up your routine. Try a new coffee shop, restaurant, or even go do laundry at a different time than you normally would. I know this sounds a little like a hallmark movie, but it works!
           I think the most important thing I learned about love is the following: "the ideal is real." (My father's words) If you truly believe in what you are looking for, you will find it. Also, it is critically important to love yourself before you attempt an intimate relationship. You will be in a relationship with "you" as long as you live so  make sure it's a good one!