Week 6: Love

            Love has definitely been an up and down roller coaster for me over the years, but I am also grateful that I have had so many opportunities to love and be loved. The pain of breakup is hard, but I always feel like I come out of relationships knowing so much more about what I want in my next one and also how I can be a better partner.  Currently, I am in a loving relationship.  While I think that we usually do a good job loving one another, I know that there are definitely ways for me to improve it.  I hate to even write the phrase “is possessive,” but I know that is an area of growth for me.  Since my very first relationship, I have always experienced pings of jealousy when my significant other has had a close or semi-close female friends.  Honestly, I am not completely sure why I experience jealousy in these situations because I have never even come close to being cheated on by someone that I have dated.  I think, however, that it has to do with my own feelings of self-worth and that, even though I am lovable, other people are much more lovable than me.

            Another area of growth that I have already begun to experience in my life is my need for solitude.  Up until the last year or so, I hated to be alone.  I have never lived alone and have almost always chosen to spend as much time with the person I am dating as possible.  I am also living with a significant other (for more than two weeks) for the first time.  I have definitely experienced the benefits of separation from my boyfriend.  While I miss him when we are apart for extended periods of time, being without him helps me recharge and to better appreciate the time we spend together.  I realize now that I was really missing a key piece in my past relationships: time apart.  Even though Corey and Corey (2008) mention adults who have trouble with separation, I have definitely seen is as a problem with my friends and I in our first high school relationships.  I think it is important for me to encourage older youth that I will be counseling to pursue their own goals and interests separate from their significant others.

            Also tied in with love is compassion.  I tend to think this is something that comes naturally to me in relationships and it is nice to have Science on my side.  Real compassion is crucial in love because it is a large way that we experience and give love to others.  Even though I think I am pretty good at it, it is definitely comforting to know that, just like love, other people and I can work on cultivating our compassion to deepen our loving relationships.

Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.

Keltner, D. (2004, Spring). The compassionate instinct. Greater Good, 6-9.