This week’s readings have touched me very much so. So much that I didn’t even wait over Spring Break to post this because they resonated so much with me throughout my life. Rather, I shouldn’t say throughout my life but rather since I decided to enter a serious monogamous relationship when I decided to propose to my wife back in 2010.
I found it absolutely hilarious that one of the very
first things the Corey & Corey text talked about was arguments between
couples and how they’re often the result of ineffective communication. I
laughed because I am fully aware of this in my own relationship. It’s nothing
my wife does, but rather something I do. As I feel it takes me a while to
process why I am said(I mean upwards of a couple of hours) I cannot tell her
why I am upset immediately and she wants that immediacy in me talking about it.
Clearly this creates a problem for us and has been probably the only major
issue in our 7 years of dating/marriage. However, since reading the Chapter two
weeks ago I’ve decided to take a proactive stance and realize my selfishness by
at least acknowledging what I can in regards to being upset and explaining it
to her in an “I statement.” The first time I did it 5 days ago she walked to
the door to see if pigs were flying and then came over and gave me a hug and
said “thank you” for identifying so quickly. I’ve found the results to be the
same every time since then. Looking at this culturally, like the book talks
about, I can see it that way which I also found funny. Her desire to resolve it
quickly can be seen as a feminine culture trait where as my hesitance can be
seen as a masculine culture trait.
While this doesn’t necessarily relate to me I also
found the brink of divorce or crisis concept to be funny. You see the book’s
solution in movies all the time where the guy(usually) magically changes and it
fixes everything and wonder if you can see it in real life and the book(pg 217)
kind of puts it into a realistic non-Hollywood persepective.
As for
the Schmookler and Bursik(2009) article I too found that one to be very
interesting. Since becoming engaged I’ve found that there were a couple of
times where I was bordering on the emotional infidelity aspect by talking with
other women about my disdain for my Sister-in-Law which I could obviously not
tell my fiancée at the time, though I have since found I could. However, I
always found this to be an emotional release that was necessary to tell to
someone and these people often tended to be women. I found the results
interesting as I felt I would be more uspet at a sexual infidelity than an
emotional one as I feel I’ve somewhat engaged in the latter and would have no
issue with , and encourage, my wife to
have “relationships” with others that are friendly that she can talk to
someone. These individuals have tended to be male. As for viewing monogamy as
sacrificial I fully agree but I have also always contested that that sole con
is far outweighed by the hundred-plus pros and I feel you HAVE to look at it that
way.
Corey, G. & Corey,
M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Exploration in personal growth (9th
Edition). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole
Edition). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole
Schmookler, T. &
Bursik, K. (2009). The value of monogamy in emerging adulthood: A gendered
perspective.
Journal of Social and Personal
Relationships 2007; 24; 819. DOI:
10.1177/0265407507084185
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