This week’s research article I found to be extremely
thought provoking. Monogamy is something that we are taught to cherish and
value in our culture. From a young age we are told that normal way of life is
to grow up and find our one and only true love. But like the article has written,
monogamy is not natural, but I feel like it can be natural for some people
(Schmookler & Bursik, 2007). I know for me personally I have no desire to
be with anyone other than my fiancé, and I think that is because I really do
value monogamy. I really tried to think if I view it as a sacrifice or if it is
something that I just am doing naturally, and the conclusion I came to was that
it is natural for me. I really value having only one partner who I can be
completely honest and genuine with, I feel like monogamy has made it so we can
connect more intimately than if we were to each be involved with other people.
I think this article really brought into light some struggles that people in
relationships may be going through. In my future counseling sessions I may
encounter someone who is struggling with the idea of monogamy and I think I can
use this information to help them understand that it is natural. I think in our
society anyone who struggles with monogamy is frowned upon if they don’t follow
the monogamy path so I think if more people knew about this research it may
make things either in a relationship.
As
I was reading through this week’s chapter I really applied it to the
relationship that my fiancé and I have. I actually sat down with him and discussed
some of the items in the chapter and I found that it really helped us bond more
and helped us to look at places where we as individuals need improvement. One
major area that I need to work on is being an individual outside of the
relationship. I never had an issue with this when we were living in my home
town but as soon as we moved down here I became engrossed in our relationship.
I had no friends and I really didn’t have a social life until recently. I found
myself being hurt and lonely when he would go away for the weekend. I knew this
wasn’t healthy but I had no one else to hang out with or talk to. But I have
started working on this issue by finding my own friends from work and school, I
am finally started to feel like myself again, and this has really improved this
greatly. The expressing anger part also struck home for me. I have thought
about how I express anger in my other relationships like with my parents and my
brother, and I can see where a lot of improvement needs to be made. When I am
fighting with my Dad or brother especially I am always trying to think of what
I want my response to be and I don’t really listen to what they are saying, I
use a lot of “you” statements instead of “I” statements. I am no realizing how
long our arguments go on for and nothing is ever resolved, I think that this
could be a main cause of it and I think this may be a helpful tool for me to
work on.
Schmookler, T & Bursik, K. (2007) The value of
monogamy in emerging adulthood: A gendered perspective.
Journal of Social and Personal
Relationships, 24(6), 819-835
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S.
(2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal
growth (9th ed.). Belmont, California:
Thompson Brooks/Cole.
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