Week 7 - Relationships

This chapter made me think back to the first week of class when we wrote, and then answered, our own interview questions. One of my questions was, "What do you find purpose in?" And my answer was simply, "Relationships." Relationships are something that no one can avoid and everyone can work on. Growing up, I always considered myself the peacemaker. I didn't like waves, so I spoke safe words and tried to express emotions and opinions only when they wouldn't offend or hurt the feelings of others. I communicated information well, but was pretty poor at communicating emotions or anything of real depth. For the most part, that worked for me. I had few conflicts with those around me and when there were conflicts, I usually ended up being the good guy, the one who smoothed things out and brought everyone back together.

Then, I entered adulthood, and felt like I was missing out on something. I realized that sliding everything under the carpet and letting things just roll off my back didn't work so well. It kept things calm and peaceful, but it completely stifled the ability to grow in intimacy with both friends and romantic partners. I like the breakdown of effective communication barriers that Corey and Corey give on page 207. Failing to really listen, selective listening, becoming defensive, stereotyping, making assumptions, and using sarcasm are all areas I have struggled with in the past. Some are areas I continue to struggle with, but the difference between then and now is my awareness of and desire to overcome those barriers. I have recognized and experienced the benefits of communicating openly and honesty, risking conflict to get to a deeper level of understanding and appreciation within a relationship.

The monogamy article was quite interesting and pertinent as well. I have always taken the view of both sexual and emotional monogamy as best within romantic relationships. My inability to communicate emotions effectively, however, definitely led to a lack of emotional intimacy in earlier relationships. It is encouraging to reflect on my current relationship in terms of emotional intimacy because as I have become more aware of my challenges and taken steps to overcome those barriers, I have learned to share more openly, thus allowing for a level of emotional intimacy that I have never experienced previously. Being able to 'be me' has allowed me a sense of freedom and security that I likely could not have reached throughout my 'safe' adolescent and early adult years. I would be very interested to see this study done with older adults to see the similarities and differences.

Within the counseling world, especially when working with teenagers, relationships play a major role. I think it is important to not just talk about relationships with clients, but also teach them what healthy intimacy looks like, challenge them to express emotions honestly, deal with conflict appropriately, and help them understand what good communication looks like within different types of relationships.

　
Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Managing Stress. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice (132-169). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.

Schmookler, T. & Bursik, K. (2007). The value of monogamy in emerging adulthood: A gendered perspective. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships