Individually Speaking 5

     Though my parents had an authoritative demeanor, I grew up as a very high stressed child. My triggers revolved around my own expectations of my abilities. I was a perfectionist and competitive. My sights were often set on "being the best", not doing MY best. I set myself up for failure and eventually grew complacent and discouraged.  I also experienced psychosomatic conditions from my inabilities to cope with my stressors. I felt the stressors were beyond my ability to change. I am not certain my parents realized how my poor stress management was effecting me and that there were ways to get help. I would have to go through the process on my own. After some years of trial and error through misused defense mechanisms, I found my way to a clearer, more resilient mindset. Now, I find joys in helping others, creating my own path and exploring human nature. 

     My greatest growth came about from studying and teaching stress reduction techniques, yoga and meditative traditions. All of these practices have brought me a sense of centeredness and self responsibility. Loving the self first comes to mind. I have always been compassionate and caring, but through self care, I am able to truly expand that to others. So many of us today, myself included, spend our time in our past and our future. We fail to witness what is here and now. Expectations, self criticism, and comparison are examples of my then and there thinking or mindlessness. I still work to find balance, embrace my best, and honor the unknown.

     Keltner's (2004) article includes ideas about compassion and altruism. Philosophically, I believe humans have the capacity to be altruistic. Intention, however, is a choice. Working in a pre-school, I see many acts of kindness for kindness' sake. One example is between "Landon" (2)"and "Eliot" (4). Though they are in different classes, Eliot seeks Landon out every day at the end of their day. He will say goodbye, give a hug, a pat or sometimes even a kiss on the head. They do not know each other during or outside of school, but perhaps Eliot senses Landon's developmental delay and is sharing his support.  Compassion and altruism are rooted in the idea of being present minded or mindful. I can feel the connection between myself and the preschool children when I am mindful in my time with them. They thrive as all beings do when attention and intention are involved in time spent together. When a teacher (or parent) is distracted or not being present, the children often react negatively. Misbehaviors typically have a function. Next time you see a child "misbehaving" look beyond the child and around at the situation. Mindless and mindful actions can be learned and reinforced. 

Corey,G.,& Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth. (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.

Keltner, D. (2004, Spring). The compassionate instinct. Greater Good, 6-9.