Blog 6

          Love is something that we all face and all have the choice of being involved in. This was a challenge for me up until a few years ago. I had a really hard time trusting other people and letting them in. I would always be the one to break up with them before they left me. I had this irrational fear that I really couldn’t be loved by anyone other than my family. I felt that they were the only ones who could love me because they had to. I was finally able to open up and love another person outside my family and friends circle when I met my fiancé. As we first started into the relationship I could tell that this one was going to be different. I felt myself letting down my wall and actually allowing him to get to know the real me. I really connected with the reading this week where it spoke about the fear of being discovered. This was the biggest fear I had. I really felt that once he got to know who I was he would turn around and leave me. I also really connected with the section about love being selfless. I think I have spent the majority of my life being an impaired giver (Corey & Corey, 2008). I have always put others first at the expense of my own happiness, I try to be independent and take care of my own needs. In recent years I have tried to be better at asking for help and making others know that I have needs as well. It is a struggle that I face every day, I feel like I am a bad person and selfish if I ask others to help me. But I just need to realize people ask me to help them and fulfill needs that they have and I don’t view them as selfish. I am slowly starting to learn that there is a balance. 

            The article this week I found to be very interesting. I think that as humans we often look at negative attributes being those that are inborn and we have to actually work towards developing positive characteristics such as compassion and love. But this article showed that are brains are wired to feel for others when they are suffering even if they are strangers (Keltner, 2004). I think this shows that deep down inside we all have some goodness and I think this will be crucial when we are working with clients that we feel are not very good people. I know that as a counselor I am going to have people come into my office that I may feel are terrible and have no good qualities about them. But I think it will be crucial for me to remember that we are all born with a seed of goodness and depending on the environment that we grow up in can either make this seed grow or shrink. But with the right amount of work I think that as a counselor you can help an individual develop their compassion again.

Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.

Keltner, D. (2004, Spring). The compassionate instinct. Greater Good, 6-9.