Blog 7

Blog #7 – 3/26/2013

Welcome back fellow “Study of the Individual” students!  I must admit that I enjoyed spring break, and hope everyone else did as well, but I missed class and especially interacting with my group members. J  Chapter 7 in the textbook was a great one for me to read since many of my current significant relationships have been extended ones by this point in my life.  I will be married for 20 years this June, and obviously my father and siblings have been around for an even longer period of time. Lol.  Also, my friendships are quite lengthy.  In all of these various relationships, I have found that many of the same principles apply.  As discussed in the text, I believe it is always important to be able to express oneself honestly, work at the relationship, keep play and having fun together as a constant goal, be equals, and be able to deal with conflict. 

Personally, my husband and I have not had a completely smooth time in our marriage.  We do not tend to have an abundance of conflict in our relationship, but this fall we definitely went through a down turn.  Looking back, and after reading the chapter and much consideration, I believe it had a number of contributing factors.  We are the parents of two teenagers, there were some extraneous family issues to be dealt with, etc.  Long story short, it was probably one of the most uncomfortable times in our relationship.  We discussed counseling, but decided to try to work it out ourselves first.  We did a variety of things, and in the end both began to feel better about “us” and made the decision to stay together and continue to work and not get lost like we seem to have done. 

The other segment in the textbook that hit home for me was the portion that dealt with communicating with one’s parents.  I have struggled with my relationship with my father since my mom passed away 11.5 years ago, and continue to do so to some degree.  At times I still realize that I tend to look for some measure of approval from him, while at the same time cannot seem to take him quite as seriously as I once did.  I know that it made a difference for me when I finally came to grips with the truth that parents are human beings too.  As a counselor, I would strive to encourage students to keep an open mind for others but for themselves as well.  It is important to at least try to understand others’ motives in any situation, even if that means an eventual end to a relationship.  The more we understand, however, the better off we are.

As for the article this week, I found it interesting but not surprising that women tend to value the emotional component while men may be somewhat more concerned if a physical infidelity occurred within a relationship.  Considering the wide variety of definitions of and possibilities for infidelity in a relationship, this topic deserves serious time and consideration.  I certainly agreed (for myself) with the findings that monogamy within a relationship is necessary and enhances it.  I do not happen to view monogamy as a sacrifice, and had not really even thought about it like that until reading the Schmookler and Bursik article.  I understand that it is a common cultural belief that men are less monogamous than women, and more likely to cheat, but I believe that statistic is not applicable to men in general.  Both men and women are human, and therefore subject to mistakes and errors in judgment, sometimes very serious ones.  Relationships can be tricky, and all need to be cultivated and paid attention to so that each party can enjoy and thrive within them. 

Corey,G.,& Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal             growth. (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Brooks/Cole.

Schmookler, T., & Bursik, K. (2007). The value of monogamy in emerging adulthood:           A gendered perspective. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24(6),

819-835.