Blog 6

Blog #6 – 3/12/2013

Love.  Such a huge topic encompassed into one tiny word.  It has been and continues to be the subject of myriad of books, movies, articles, poems, sonnets, plays, etc.  I must admit that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed when it comes to writing about it.  Personally, I have experienced a variety of types of love (partner, children, siblings, parents, friends, extended family), and am extremely blessed to have close and supportive relationships in my life.  I especially like the beginning of the chapter where the Coreys explain that they “focus on the behaviors of love” and that “there has to be consistency between my saying “I love you” and how I behave toward you”. (p. 172) While it can be wonderful to hear the words, and some people are more geared to both wanting to say and/or hear the words, I think that actions must accompany them as well.  I found myself relating to some of the common myths and misconceptions about love, and one of the fears of love, in particular the fear of being discovered.  I have definitely had doubts about myself and the fact that I am not particularly the best housekeeper, I do not cook, and am not terribly interested in so-called female interests such as fashion or decorating.  I have always been much more of a “tom boy”, played sports, would rather be outside, and cannot be terribly bothered with my styles of hair or clothing.  I also tended to focus on my academics.  These traits were not of particular interest to many young men, in my experience, and I remember feeling at least somewhat inadequate as a girl.  At times I still feel this to some degree, but the fact that I care much less what people think now than I did then helps. 

I also happen to agree with the idea that one cannot love another without feeling love for oneself.  Along this line, the Keltner article discussed the idea of showing compassion to and receiving it from others.  Humans are basically good, and I enjoyed the various supportive studies discussed in the article.  I was especially interested in Keltner’s experiment on whether or not compassion can be communicated through touch.  Of course it can!  Touch is it’s own separate language that can communicate many things to both the giver and the recipient.  Mothers touch their children to convey reassurance, affection, and of course love.  “The true indicator of a healthy long-term relationship is not how often your partner touches you, but how often your partner touches you in response to your touch” (Chillot, p. 54).  Oxytocin was discussed in both articles.  This bonding hormone promotes long-term commitments, which should all include compassion and love. 

As a prospective counselor, I would especially like to suggest to my students the idea that one must love oneself in order to actually give and receive love from others.  How we feel about ourselves definitely shows through, and we should be aware of messages we are putting out there.  It is good to have a reality check now and then, and to gain some perspective about how you may be coming across to others.  It is important to show compassion to others, and I would like to be a genuine example of this in my school setting as well as my life.  I also believe that it is worth it to open our selves to love and take the risk involved.  I hope that I can also be an example of this and encourage positive and healthy relationships to my students.

Chillot, R. (2013, March/April). Touch:  louder than words. Psychology Today. 54-61.

Corey, G. & Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth      (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.

Keltner, D. (2004, Spring). The compassionate instinct. Greater Good, 6-9.