Week 6

As I think back on my childhood and how that has played a role in my abilities and understandings of love, I realize how blessed and fortunate I was to have two of the most loving parents on the planet.  I was raised in a family that is very affectionate, and we always remind each other how much we love one another.  When I was little, before I would hang up the phone with my parents, I would always say, “I love you. Mwah!”  As embarrassing as it may be to admit…I still do that today.  And chances are, I will still do it when I’m 40.  I was always showered with many hugs and kisses, and my parents always reminded me that they will always love me, more than anything, no matter what.  I believe this has made a huge impact on my ability to love and be loved.  As I read in the text about people having this feeling that they are not worthy of love, it was hard to imagine.  I think I have developed the notion that I am very easy to loveJ.

Movies and stories have done a wonderful job of confusing young(and old) minds across the globe of what love really is.  We grow up with this vision that our future loved ones will look like Leonardo DiCaprio and then be willing to kill himself at the thought of having to live without us.  Not that I ever considered pulling a Romeo and Juliet on anyone. It was actually the opposite. I always questioned if my love for that other person was authentic, because I knew I could live without them.  So much to my relief, Corey & Corey (2008) state that authentic love means “although I want you in my life, I am capable of functioning without you.”  I think this is a really powerful thing to understand on both ends of a relationship.  Not only should you understand this idea about yourself, but also understand that it is normal for the other person to feel this way too.  I feel like what we see in movies and read in books also play a role in the myths and misconceptions about love that were discussed in the chapter.

As I read the article on compassion, I was particularly drawn to the idea that although compassion is embedded in our DNA, there is also room for learning.  I would be really interested to read more about the securely attached and insecurely attached children having different levels of compassion.  The insecurely attached child showed less compassion.  It made me wonder if it was because they did not have the learning through experience, or if it was because they could not stretch beyond their own needs not being met (similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy).  The types of parenting seemed very interesting as well.  Keltner (2004) stated that parents who use induction are more likely to have more compassionate children.  One tool I use in my classroom with behavior is to have students reflect on how their actions affected others.  Bullying and teasing unfortunately takes place in our schools, and having our students consider how the other person may have felt can go a long way.   

Corey, G. , & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.

Keltner, D. (2004, Spring). The compassionate instinct. Greater Good, 6-9.