As I read through this chapter, I found it to be very interesting as well as very helpful. It kind of created a baseline for a topic that so many people view differently. I’m sure we’ve all experienced those friends in a relationship who think they are just the ideal couple. You know, the ones who must remind us how happy and in love they are like every 5 minutes. They “literally never fight.” Meanwhile, the rest of us are looking at them with that extremely confused look on our face as they begin to drunkenly fight at the bar. Relationships are complicated, and I think it’s very easy for people to develop warped perceptions. So I really like how this chapter guided reflection that could be really eye-opening. It also made me realize how beneficial counseling could be in helping others to reflect on their current and past relationships.
I think one of my favorite parts of the chapter was the section on the important qualities of a relationship. One of the qualities Corey & Corey (2008) noted was, “They do not expect the other to do for them what they are capable of doing for themselves.” Whether we are in a relationship or not, we need to give ourselves value and worth. We can give our own confirmation of being special or funny or attractive. So having a significant other should not change that. One should not feel special just because that other person said so. Expecting another person to make us feel happy or content seems like an added pressure to the relationship. This may be irrelevant, but I always say that I do not need a man in order to have nice jewelryJ
The section on addressing conflict was another part that I really seemed to appreciate. For me it’s another one of those topics where I wonder how I respond in conflict compared to others. Am I really mean? Scary? Way too nice? I do not feel like an angry person very often and rarely raise my voice. However, I have a tendency to use sarcasm or extreme calmness, which then has a tendency to really upset others. Lately I have been working to monitor my sarcasm, as well as annoyance sounds and facial expressions, to make confrontation a better and less damaging part of my relationships.
This week the article was also very interesting to read. It may be one of my favorites so far. An area of consideration that really stood out to me in this study was the evolutionary differences between male and female. More specifically, the behaviors of men and women to ensure perpetuation of genes. Males can procreate with multiple women in a short time span, where as a woman is committed to one partner for a longer period of time. Could this play a role in women having a stronger value of monogamy than men? I’d be interested to read other articles on this topic.
Corey, G. , & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.
Schmookler, T. & Bursik, K. (2007). The value of monogamy in emerging adulthood: A gendered perspective. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
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