What is
love? I find myself asking this question
a lot – and I am not always having a night at the Roxbury (I know this is a
terrible joke). I must admit that I wasn’t
the most excited person to read a chapter about love. Sure there are people I know I love like my
family. But when it comes to those
outside my family, it’s kind of tough for me to tell if I really ‘authentically
love’ those people. The thought of love
usually pops its head when you enter a new relationship with someone. I am always thinking, and thinking about my
future. When I am in relationships I do
find myself asking the same questions.
These would include, “Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with
this person?” Or even, “Do I love this
person?” I think that these are good
questions to ask, and if my answer is ‘no’ to either one of those, then I know
that it just isn’t going to work out. But
I think the question “What is love” has so many meanings. This is always a tough question for me to
answer. The reason that I think this is
a tough question for me to answer is because I have never had a set definition
of what I think ‘love’ is supposed to be.
So after reading the chapter I decided to write down some of my
thoughts.
First of
all I must say that social media, ‘reality’ television, and movies all make it
difficult to define love. There are so
many people out there that talk about love and tell you it should look and feel
a certain way. For example ‘reality’
television makes it seem that you need to date 25 girls at a time, give out a
bunch of roses, go on lavish trips with all of them, and then you will find
true love! Well that’s where I am going
wrong. While some people may actually
view that as love – I do not. Some
people think that you are not in a loving relationship until you make it “Facebook
official” – I do not. Some of the reading
for this week helped me formulate my definition of what love means to me. While reading the Authentic and Inauthentic
love piece in chapter 6, I found myself agreeing with all of those (Corey and
Corey, 2010, pg. 176-179). This is a
checklist that I can see myself referring back to. I thought that it was extremely insightful
and I never actually thought of love in all of these different aspects.
Probably
the piece in the reading that touched me the most was in the section entitled ‘The
Myth That We Fall In and Out of Love” (Corey and Corey, 2010, pg. 182). To me, it was saying that too many times we
say “I love you,” yet we cannot even describe how we love that person. This phrase is one of those that can lose its
meaning due to overuse. This reminds me
of a conversation I had with my parents.
My parents are in a loving relationship and I can tell that they
genuinely love each other. When I was
younger, probably just starting dating – I can’t really remember, I asked them
what their definition of love was. I
remember that my mom simply told me of course that compassion, trust, and caring
are all things that need to be present in a loving relationship. But then she put a little twist on her
definition of love that has stuck with me.
She said that that love was when you would be able to make the ultimate
sacrifice for that person. What she meant
by that is if that person were in harm’s way, you would sacrifice yourself to
ensure that person’s safety. I think
that’s pretty intense stuff, but in a way, I had to agree with her. Giving your life is pretty extreme but I definitely
see what she was telling me - If you say you love someone, make sure you mean
it. I doubt that I will ever forget that
conversation that I had with my mom.
My
definition of love is not complete yet.
However with the help of the readings, I am starting to piece together a
definition of love that works for me – and that’s a good start.
Corey, G. & Corey,
M. S. (2010). Managing Stress. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had
a Choice (132-169). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.
Keltner, D. (2004,
Spring). The compassionate instinct. Greater Good, 6-9
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