Blog #12 – 4/30/2013
Chapter 12 was very personal for me, differently from the
others. One of the most significant
events in my life to date, and definitely the most difficult and hurtful, was
the death of my mother eleven years ago.
Even as I type this, I have tears in my eyes. She had fought her second round against
breast cancer for a little over four years, and had just had her 59th
birthday. It was certainly a raw time
for my entire family, both of origin and creation. I come from an extremely close family and we
were all devastated with the diagnosis.
While reading the chapter, I found myself returning to various
conversations and points throughout my mom’s illness and death process. We talked about her treatments and progress,
etc., but I also recall her asking me to make certain promises and offering
advice concerning various topics, most notably how to deal with my father. We all seemed to travel through the stages of
grief differently, and even today I find myself reverting back to those ideas
when I am experiencing an upsetting time.
I definitely needed to realize that I had to allow myself to
grieve. Having two small children and a
father who promptly fell completely apart served to force me to delay my
grieving process, and I actually decided to see a counselor to help me deal
with the events surrounding her death.
Jennifer helped tremendously and I have felt much better about the
entire circumstance. Being expected to
“soldier on” is not the best advice for those in mourning.
We had a pretty wonderful experience with hospice care. The people who work with the terminally are
certainly angels on earth. It was a
comfortable, comforting environment, and we know that mom received loving
care. In the end, she did make the
choice to end treatment and opted for palliative care. While this was extremely difficult for me to
hear, I understood where she was coming from and why she made this
decision. The hospice personnel were
wonderful in how they treated both her and us.
I cannot say how very much we appreciated their honest and caring
approach.
I really enjoyed the section entitled Being “Dead”
Psychologically and Socially (Corey,
365-368). The information made me think
and reconsider some of my current situation and choices I have made along the
way. I certainly have days where I feel
like the proverbial “hamster on a wheel”, but usually try to be mindful of activities
I can engage in in order to alleviate some of that feeling. Of course, we all have things that must be
done, and some of those things are not fun, and can also be downright
annoying. Along the way, if we can find
ways to laugh and somehow make the most of our situation it makes it better for
everyone involved, plus maybe you can make some great memories.
There are several important lessons that can be learned and
shared with students in a counseling and/or group setting. I would certainly be interested in running a
grief group to help students’ process when a tragedy occurs. Allowing them to
feel whatever they are feeling and helping them to understand that grief is a
natural process is important. I already
teach Kubler-Ross’s theory and really try to make my students’ aware of the
implications. I also shared with them
the “Top Five Regrets of the Dying” from Australian hospice nurse Bronnie
Ware. These five include: 1.”I wish I’d
had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of
me”, 2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”, 3. “I wish I’d had the courage to
express my feelings”, 4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends”, and 5.
‘I wish I had let myself be happier”.
(Ware blog)It is my hope that I can instill a thoughtful attitude in my
students concerning their own decisions and contributions to their own
happiness. I also hope to live my life
with this sage advice always in the back of my mind.
Corey,G.,& Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew
I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth.
(9th ed.). Belmont, California: Brooks/Cole.
Ware, B. Top five
regrets of the dying. Retrieved from
www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
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