Chapter 11 and Forgiveness

            I definitely related to the Hodgson and Worthheim (2007) article on empathy and forgiveness. In general, I am much more empathetic than my boyfriend and I am the person who both apologizes and forgives easier and he needs more time to get over a fight. It is also interesting that there is no correlation between empathy and forgiving others verses one's self. I easily forgive others, but find it very difficult to forgive myself for even simple mistakes.           

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have become much more comfortable with solitude over the past couple of years. I used to hate to be alone. Before I moved to Pennsylvania, I even preferred watching TV with another person because it was comforting to have someone with me.  I was also the type of person that accepted every invitation to social events for fear of being left out.  If I missed one party, I thought that I would miss something important and not be as close with my friends anymore. Now I am much more comfortable turning down invites in lieu of spending some quality time at home alone. I am, however, rarely truly engaging in solitude. It is still difficult for me to sit in silence. Usually my alone time is spent running, watching TV or doing something on the computer. I would like to challenge myself to be more comfortable either doing nothing or some form of meditation to slow my life down a little bit.

            I definitely do not feel lonely in my solitude now, but this was not always the case. My first two years of college, I felt deeply lonely during my times spent alone. Additionally, I did not feel connected to my friends so I was also lonely with people. I kept myself as busy as possible so that I did not have to risk the feelings of sadness that I felt when I was alone. It was definitely a period of chronic loneliness for me. I experienced this again when I moved to Boston after college and lived in an apartment with a married couple, who did not speak English well, without any friends. My social life was spent mostly in my room. Strangely, I did not feel as lonely as I first did in college, but I still chose to move back to Virginia after less than three months because the solitude and loneliness was too difficult for me to handle.

            As guidance counselors, it is very important to be aware of students who may feel very lonely and be a resource for them. Some of these kids will be identified because they are shy and they may need to be encouraged sensitively to engage more in class and with peers. Other kids may feel lonely, but cover it up through over-involvement. I am not sure how exactly to reach out to every kid individually, but all of our students should feel comfortable coming to us to talk about feeling alone.

Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal 

            growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN:9780495602293.

Hodgson, L.K., & Wertheim, E.L. (2007). Does good emotion management aid

forgiving? Multiple dimensions of empathy, emotion management and

forgiveness of self and others.Journal of Social and Personal

Relationships, 24(931-949).