Death and Loss

Reading Corey and Corey (2012) made me sit and think about the experiences that I have had with those that were close to me that died.  I really have only had two instances in my life where someone really close to me has passed away.  Sure, there are others that I have known like the elder neighbor down the road that passed away, but I can count two that really left an impact. 

The first one was my grandmother.  To be completely honest, I do not remember too much about the ordeal.  I was ten years old and I remember being upset over the loss.  I think what I remember most was seeing my father for the first time being upset.  At this point, I realized that death does have a huge impact on loved ones.  The second one was my grandfather.  I was in high school when this happened so I remember a little more.  He was a smoker for 70 years and died of lung cancer.  It was amazing that it took so long for it to actually grab a hold of him, but when it did, it grabbed him quick and did not let go.  I remember seeing him lying in the hospital bed, pretty much helpless.  He dealt with a lot of personal issues his whole life.  I remember him clinging on to every bit of life he had.  It was almost like he was afraid to die.  He had a lot of regrets, and I remember him telling us this in the final moments he had before he passed.  At that time, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my life or who I was going to be, but I did decide that I didn’t want to be like that.  I didn’t want to be someone that in my final moment of life is terrified of dying.  Because of this, I don’t want to hold anything back and want to live a very fulfilling life.

Death is not an easy thing to talk about.  While I was reading the chapter, I really had to sit and face the fact that I am eventually going to die.  It’s not like I didn’t already know it, but to actually take a second and think about it can be very powerful.  I started to question if I am really living my life to the fullest or even if what I am doing with my life even matters at all.  Some of the personal goals and aspirations I have for myself don’t seem all that important in the grand scheme of things when everything can end with just one second.  I would like to believe that I have a long, full life ahead of me, but who really knows?  This is a scary thought for me to embrace.  However, I still deeply believe that I was put on this earth to do something worthwhile, and that’s how I am going to live my life.  I am going to try to keep an unwavering confidence that even if my life ends tomorrow, and my personal goals are not met, at least I tried my best.  That’s really all I can ask of myself. 

 

 

Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Death and Loss. In Brooks/Cole (9^th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice (338-370). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.