Jealousy is a condition that likely affects everyone from
time to time. Jealousy can occur in romantic relationships, friendships or
within comparison. In all these areas, jealousy has an underlying element of
power and control. Jealousy is also often tied to a perception of loss, which assumes
a sense of ownership or entitlement. The emotion is connected to the desire for
something that is perceived as being missing or insufficient. Years back, an
acquaintance of ours purchased a new home in an area that we find desirable. We
attended their housewarming party with the good intention of celebrating with
them. As we spent more time there, we began comparing our home to theirs,
considering our position in life and the reasons we are not celebrating our own
housewarming. These thoughts were loaded with entitlement and comparison. The
perceived lack of ability to control our life circumstances was also a factor
in the jealousy. In a relational example, one partner in a dating couple may
feel insecurities within the self or within the relationship which lead them to
seek out external reinforcement from their partner or another. The insecure
partner may create an attention seeking foil that causes insecurity in the
second partner. The control factor is within the manipulation for personal
satisfaction.
In a 2005 study, Fleischman, et al, emphasized the
motivation behind intentionally making another person jealous within romantic
relationships. One of the interesting limitations was the difference in motive
to use jealousy induction during different ages and stages of relationships.
This occurred to me as well as I looked back upon my experiences. As a young
adult, these games were much more prevalent in my relationships than now. Personal
immaturity was one cause. The volatility of these young, less committed relationships
was another. Being on both ends of such jealousy games, you can see the errors
in the motivation. To exploit your partner's vulnerabilities is a dysfunctional
relationship tactic. Manipulation in this manner reverses or can level
the insecurity disproportion. But clearly, this is not the most beneficial way
to communicate your needs. Now, my more mature self handles these situations
much more healthfully. I have learned to catch my misperceptions when I am comparing
myself to others or seeking attention. I quickly remind myself that I am
grateful for all that I have, acknowledge my desires and let them pass.
Sexuality is also a construct tied to perception. The Coreys
(2010) challenge us to recall the roots of the choices, feelings and values
associated with our sexuality. I like the idea of examining these values. I
feel it is an important notion to aid in formation of healthy relationships and
should be included in teen character education. Teen pregnancy and sexuality statistics
are startling. If teens are given a secular forum to discuss these topics respectfully,
perhaps there could be a shift for some. Our culture’s puritanical views on
sexuality only add to the confusion. What if sexuality and sensuality were regarded
as a natural part of life, not a taboo?
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a
choice: Explorations in personal
growth (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson
Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.
Fleishmann, A.A,
Spitzberg, B.H., Andersen, P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the
monster:
Jealousy induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal relationships, 22(1), pgs. 49-73.
No comments:
Post a Comment