Discussing sexuality is something that I have never fully been comfortable. Growing up, sex was never something that was discussed in my family. It was not that my parents were overly conservative or prudish, but rather, it was just simply not a topic that was discussed. I am the oldest child with two younger brothers and so I never had an older sibling to rely on for information. I grew up very naive about sex and I relied heavily on my friends for information. Sometimes this information was accurate, but more times than not, it was either exaggerated or completely false. I specifically remember one time where I heard one of my friends talking about "giving head" and I went home and asked my parents what that meant. They both told me that they had no idea what it meant. Whether or not they were lying about knowing what it was, I soon realized that my parents were not a reliable source of knowledge for me.
I felt like this chapter touched on several topics that I often view as taboo for typical conversations. Perhaps this makes m a prude, but I am just a private person when it comes to sexuality. I don't mind listening to other people talk about it, but I rarely share my own experiences. I do however agree with this chapter in that you should feel comfortable sharing your wants and needs with your partner. It is extremely important to feel comfortable enough in your relationship to discuss those types of things. If you cannot talk about sex with your partner, you should not partake in it because clearly you do not feel completely comfortable with one another. For me, love and intimacy are essential to having really satisfying sex. Corey and Corey (2008) discuss the attributes that both women and men rank as most important in relationships and they found that they desire, "good communication, commitment, and a high quality of emotional and physical intimacy" (p. 269). I tend to agree with these findings.
Closely related to sexuality and intimate relationships is jealousy. I have found that, at times, I find myself getting jealous in certain situations. I did however, determine that I do not fully agree with the definition of jealousy in the Fleischmann, Spitzberg, Anderson, & Roesch (2005) article. They defined jealousy as, "a complex of thoughts, emotions and actions that follows loss or threat to self-esteem and/or the existence or quality of the romantic relationship" (Fleischmann et al., 2005, p. 50). Not only does this definition completely disregard any other form of jealousy besides a romantic one, but it also does not seem to touch on what I find myself becoming jealous over; time. I seem to feel the most jealous when my husband chooses to spend his time doing something rather than spend time with me. For example, if we have limited time to see each other and he chooses to have dinner with a friend rather than with me, I find myself getting jealous. (Writing this, it now makes me feel slightly crazy...) Overall, I think that the definition of jealousy is not all encompassing and could therefore use more thought.
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.
Fleishmann, A.A, Spitzberg, B.H., Andersen, P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 22(1), 49-72.
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