Blog 12

            Although chapter 12 is not our final reading for this class, I feel that it is a proper bookend to the semester. While reading, I remembered back to the first week of class when we interviewed each other. Death and loss was a theme that came up several times in my own sharing as well as some of the classmates’. Three months ago some of us were strangers with sad stories. Now, we are more fully discovered friends who can approach the difficult subject of grief with wisdom and cohesion.

            As a (self-proclaimed) vibrant emerging adult, I do not often find myself fearing my own death. I do, however, fear that I will lose members of my family. I’ve shared in class that I have lost several loved ones which has aided a sense of insecurity regarding how long I can hold onto the rest of the people I feel close to. My word choice here is crucial: I have the sense that I need to cling to those that I love in order to make the most out of their time left. My mother is an older mom: she is 62 years old. I am constantly aware of her wellbeing. If she has a minor health issue, I am consumed with googling her symptoms and convincing her to go to the doctor. I live in perpetual fear that I will be “orphaned” in my 20’s. Corey and Corey’s (2010) list of ways to make the most of relationships with loved ones while they are still here (pg. 346-7) struck a nerve with me because, although I try to be as present in a positive relationship with my mom as possible, the occasional argument or disappointment leaves me with a feeling of guilt that I’ve wasted precious moments.

            I had an equally emotional reaction to the Coreys’ (2010) section on suicide and the aftermath for those left behind. Three summers ago, I experienced the loss of one of my closest friends via suicide (it’s the reason for the tattoo on my elbow). Mike was the stereotype of a suicide victim. He struggled with depression for years and, although his family tried every measure to provide him help, he couldn’t hold on past the age of 20. The reason I bring this up is not an attempt at sympathy, instead I want to focus on the powerful experience that was Mike’s funeral. We all shared sentiments, funny stories, and wishes for what could have been; but the hardest part to witness was when Mike’s sister took the stand and expressed her eulogy in the form of a letter. Corey and Corey (2010) discuss a survivor’s expression of anger, blame, and guilt as a typical coping mechanism. Emily expelled all of that by telling Mike that she did not blame him. She did not think he was selfish in his decision. And she will continue to love her little brother for the rest of her life.

            This was an emotionally-charged reading that I feel allows for much discussion and sharing to take place. Although we do not meet formally in groups any longer, I feel that this class has allowed us a spiritual outlet to continue our private talks long after May 14^th.

Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Death and Loss. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.