Post 12

Well, what to say about this week’s chapter except for the fact that it is one of my greatest fears. I fear my own death but I also fear the death of those closest to me. I really had a hard time reading through the chapter this week and found myself taking a few breaks through the reading. The only experience I really have with death is my Grandmother. She was 93 when she passed and it was really hard for me as I had to watch her slowly disintegrate over the time period of a year. When she first started going downhill I would visit her in the nursing home and we would have conversations about her back porch and how that was what she wanted to get back to. Then as she began to realize that she wasn’t going to be well enough to return home, our visits became quieter and she seemed to accept the fact that she was going to pass away in this nursing home. It broke my heart to watch her spirits die but it made it easier to say good bye when the time came, I knew that she was at peace and wasn’t in suffering anymore. I looked at the stages of death found in Corey and Corey (2008) and I tried to relate them to my Grandmother. I feel like for her she pretty much went through four of the five stages. The only stage I never really saw her do was bargain. I mean she was 93 so I feel like she was ready to be with the rest of her brothers and sisters and didn’t really feel like she needed more time here, except to be with my Grandpa. I feel like I personally went through all of the grieving stages when it came to her death though.

As my grandma reached her last stages of life we ended up calling in hospice. I feel like this is when my grieving process really started. Because to me my grandmother had already died, the woman who was lying in the bed was not the fiery and stubborn Scottish woman I knew. I started to let her go then, and I slowly began the process of grieving. I began thinking to the future how she wouldn’t get to see my brother graduate from college or be there for my wedding like she had been for all my other cousins. I found that over the next year holidays were the toughest. Even though my grandma didn’t really say too much she was always there ready to chime in with a quick witted response. It was hard to look over at her chair during Christmas and to see it empty, but as we moved on with life it got easier. I still cry sometimes when I think of some of our memories, but I find myself laughing more than anything when I think about her yelling at my Grandpa. “CHARLES!!!!! You spent how much on new hearing aids!!!”, one of her famous sayings. I know that through my Grandmother’s death I have grown a lot and learned a lot about myself and how to really live life to the fullest.

Another spot that stuck out to me in this week’s chapter was the question about being spontaneous and playful (Corey & Corey, 2008). This is a concept that I really need to work on. I find myself planning my days and life out to the tee. I rarely do something just because I feel like doing it, if I don’t have it planned into my day then it doesn’t happen. My fiancé is always trying to get me to have more fun and be more spontaneous but it is really hard for me to do that, if feel like I should always be working on something productive and not out playing. But all work and no play does not lead to a long and happy life. As we were celebrating my Grandfather’s 99^th birthday this weekend I asked him what is the key to living that long and being that happy, and you know what he said to me? The key to that is by having fun and being happy. Taking time to enjoy the small things in life and don’t let the little things get you down.

So, with that advice I hope to help my future clients learn that life is too short to worry about all the stressors and that they need to be spontaneous and playful, not only in youth but also in adulthood as well. I think it will also be key for me to address with my clients that they should grieve in their own way after a loss. I will work with them to let them know how important the mourning process really is and that everyone moves on in their own time. That there is no set timeframe for moving on after a loss. I think our world puts too much emphasis on people getting back to normal after a death, everyone has their own grieving process and they should be allowed to grieve at their own speed.

Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal

growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.