Week 9

Before reading the chapter, I had my own definition of what sexuality is, and so I struggled to connect to the text this week, because their definition didn’t match mine.  I feel like sexuality is so much more than a person’s sexual experiences.  However, as I read through the text, I felt like that is all they were referring to.  I believe sexuality is not only a person’s sexual relationships and experiences, but also a feeling of being sexy or expressing yourself in a sexual way.  Putting on a sexy dress and dabbing on your richest perfume is part of a woman’s sexuality.  Dancing and rolling your hips is part of sexuality.  In fact, when I think about certain routines at Zumba, I can connect them to sexuality, because you’re intentionally dancing in a sexual way. 

 

I did appreciate the section in the text on developing your sexual values.  I agree with Corey & Corey (2008) that your values and behavior have to be consistent, or it could lead to feelings of guilt or shame.  It didn’t mention anything about this in the text, but I feel like my sexual values have changed along the way.  From reading other’s blog posts, it seems fair to say that is a pretty common occurrence.  As I think about the way my own values have changed, maturity and past experiences have probably made the largest impact on my present values.

Jealousy is one of those words that makes me scrunch my face in dislike.  I’m not sure why, but it has a very negative connotation for me and seems like such an ugly feeling.  Maybe it is because all of my strong memories of jealousy are also bad memories period.  As I think about times when I have felt jealous in a relationship, it was much more common in my teenage relationships than adult.  The Fleischmann, Spitzberg, Anderson, & Roesch (2005) article describes jealousy as, “an emotion that follows some sort of real or perceived relationship threat.”  As soon as I read this, my brain shot straight to my high school boyfriend.  Super cute, funny, everyone loved him, but it turns out he is a biggggg cheater!  To this day, I would like to just continue to tell myself he is a crazed sex addict and couldn’t help but cheat on me 8,463 times(maybe a bit exaggerated).  Anyways, it made me think of it because at first, I thought it was just a perceived threat.  I thought things seemed odd, but continued to believe there was no real threat.  Turns out this threat was very very real.  But it actually gets much worse and much more embarrassing.  About two pages earlier, I had come across the part where Fleischmann, Spitzberg, Anderson, & Roesch (2005) note that “external manifestations of jealousy include crying, retaliating, leaving, using surveillance…” As embarrassing as this is to admit, in high school, my best friend and I were both dating super cute cheaters, and our insecurities and jealousy got to be so much that we actually pulled “drive-byes”---yes, I am referring to stalker-level surveillance.  I would like to state for the record that I would NEVER do that todayJ and to be honest, I am very happy to say that jealously is not a common feeling in my relationships today!  Not only do I not feel jealous, but I also make conscious decisions so that the person I am with does not need to feel that way either.

 

Corey, G. , & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.

 

Fleishmann, A.A, Spitzberg, B.H., Andersen, P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 22(1), 49-72.