Week 11

            I find it such a rare coincidence that I am not writing a blog on loneliness and solitude when I am finally feeling that I am starting to develop social relationships.  For the longest time span in my life, social relationships were lacking because I took on the work of others before stopping to take the time to think about what I wanted (Corey & Corey, 2008).  I know that quickly picking up and moving to attend Millersville University had me experiencing transient loneliness (Corey & Corey, 2008) as I knew no one except for my fiancé.  Yes, she has a full-time job so I was left to keep myself company for nine hours a day on a daily basis.  I definitely committed myself to daily responsibilities in the hopes that I would avoid realizing how isolated I felt.  I would wash dishes multiple times a day even if they were already clean, do laundry, move furniture, and find anything in the house to organize.

            Tracy's story in the text reminds me of when I started undergrad (Corey & Corey, 2008).  I never left my dorm room except to attend class.  Even while in class, I would find a seat not close to others and I had a fear of raising my hand.  Even while at my old graduate school, I feared to participate because I would be judged on what I would say.  It is only a recent occurrence that I have gained the courage and strength to participate in class.

            When my fiancé and I first began dating, we never seemed to have a conflict with one another.  This may have happened as I would only have time to visit her twice a month.  It was only when we began living together that arguments began to occur.  Both of us were transgressors in situations and we have both developed to ability to forgive one another for these actions (Hodgson & Wertheim, 2007).  I believe that we both needed to have the time to take on the perspective of the other to truly understand what we may have said to cause upset in the other. 

            I know that I also had to work on my ability to ask for forgiveness when I have said something inappropriate.  Coming from a family and graduate school where everything was so highly critiqued I had become a perfectionist and expected it in her.  There were times where I could not understand that she could not see all the imperfections I could identify which led me to hold her at a standard that was highly inappropriate for a relationship.  Learning to ask for forgiveness has been one of my hardest challenges, but I'm finally learning that I need to admit when I am wrong.

References

Corey,G.,& Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth. (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.

Hodgson, L.K., & Wertheim, E.L. (2007). Does good emotion management aid forgiving? Multiple dimensions of empathy, emotion management and forgiveness of self and others. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 24; 931-949.