As usual, I was able to completely relate with the chapter
in Corey and Corey this week. Recently,
I have been extremely busy with friends’ weddings, parties, and events. On top
of my social calendar, I am also juggling a full time job and graduate school
with hopes of seeing my husband from time to time who has an equally as busy
schedule. Life has been chaotic to say
the least and I have recently found myself feeling very drained and tired all
the time. This chapter ruminated with me
on this aspect as I find that I am in desperate need of some solitude. I actually have declared this Sunday as my
day of rest. I told my husband this morning
that I am not making any plans for this Sunday and I am going to spend some
time alone. As it states in Corey and
Corey (2008), “If we do not take time for ourselves but instead fill our lives
with activities and projects, we run the risk of losing a sense of centeredness”
(p. 316). I have always valued my time
alone, but in the last year or so I have noticed that my life has gotten
increasingly hectic and busy. It is
stressful and I am now finding myself needing to block out times on my calendar
in order to refresh and renew myself.
For me,
this week’s readings were almost depressing because I found myself relating so
closely to both the book’s chapter and the article by Hodgson and Wertheim
(2007) about forgiveness. The two
readings seemed to fit perfectly in to what has been running through my mind
recently and although the topics are not the most uplifting, it was also
refreshing to force myself to acknowledge these feelings rather than continue
to sweep them under the rug. Hodgson and
Wertheim (2007) defined forgiveness as, “the tendency to engage in the process
of releasing negative emotions, thoughts and behaviors towards a transgressor
and transforming them to more positive emotions, thoughts and behaviors” (p.
932). I find that I typically forgive
rather easily. I do not life conflict
and therefore, I would rather forgive and move on in a more positive way. A few years ago, I had a conflict with a
person whom they not only hurt me, but they hurt others as well. Throughout this time, I think I am more upset
by the hurt he caused others, than I am hurt by the harm caused towards
me. I have tried multiple times
throughout the years to forgive and move on, however each time I try to reach
out and forgive, they give me more reason to be upset and angry. I was hoping this article would give me the
answer to my problem, but it only gave me more to think about. At this point, I know that I need to simply
forgive so that I can mend myself, but I am unsure how I can go about doing
that without reaching out towards this person.
Is it truly possible to forgive and move forward with one’s own life
without having anything to do with the transgressor? How can you forgive without letting the transgressor
know they are forgiven?
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice:
Explorations in personalgrowth (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson
Brooks/Cole.
Hodgson, L.K., & Wertheim, E.L. (2007). Does good emotion
management aid forgiving? Multiple dimensions of empathy, emotion management
and forgiveness of self and others. Journal of Social and Personal
Relationships 24; 931-949.
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