You need to be
comfortable in your own skin. As I read
the article for this week, this was one thought that was constantly circulating
in my head. The article brought about some interesting points about jealously
(Fleishmann, et. al., 2005). As I was
reading this I kept thinking about a recent assembly we had at our school. The assembly was on bullying. The speaker was a body builder who could rip
a phone book in half and bend an iron pole with his hands. If you were looking at this guy, this would
not be someone who you would want to mess with.
He then told a story of a young overweight boy, that got straight A’s who
was bullied in school. This kid was
kicked, spit on, beat up, had his lunch money taken, laughed at, and humiliated
in front of his peers in school. As he
told the story, you couldn’t help but feel sorry for this boy you never met. Why would these kids be so cruel to
someone? At the very end of the story,
with tears in his eyes, he told everyone that the boy was actually him. No one could believe it; half of the people
had their jaws hit the floor.
I thought about why
people would act this way. I truly
believe that kids that bully others are in fact jealous of the person they are
bullying. By bullying another kid, it
helps an insecure kid feel better about himself for the time being. I honestly can say that I feel bad for both
kinds of kids involved in this kind of situation – the bully and the
bullied. I feel bad for the bullied for
obvious reasons, but my heart also does go out to the bully. I have seen bullies, all shapes and
sizes. When you see these kids act, it
seems like they are not comfortable in their own skin. They are hiding something, holding something back
or even embarrassed about something. I
really hope that these kids can see what they are doing to others and come to
grip with who they are as an individual, because what they really need to do is
to find themselves. It’s very true that
in order to love someone else, you need to love yourself.
Now to apply this to
mature relationships isn’t quite as simple to me. For me personally, I was told never to boast,
brag, or act cocky. My mom does a good
job at telling me this even today. I
learned these values from my parents.
They will openly tell me that they are extremely proud of me and my
sister and our accomplishments. We have
accomplished many things in the classroom and on the playing field. Even though they are so proud, they never
brag about us to other parents – ever.
They will always tell us about people at work boasting about their kids,
but my parents never gave in. I didn’t
understand it at first, but now, I do.
In a relationship I would never intentionally make a person feel jealous
towards me. I think that an action like
this would be a little immature. I
really don’t need to put down others to feel good about myself. I mean I have great family, friends, a job,
and I am going back to graduate school – life is treating me pretty good. I do understand that not everyone was given
the opportunities that I was, so I would never intentionally make someone feel
bad about it. That’s not how I roll.
Corey and Corey (2010)
brought about some pretty interesting points in Chapter 9. I must admit this is a pretty awkward topic
for me to talk about. I think that Corey
and Corey hit the nail on the head when they said that your sexuality stems
from your value system. I have my beliefs
about sexuality that I was taught by my parents. My parents, who volunteer at a pregnancy
center, have seen so many lives ruined due to the fact that they are having sex
with others who they are not in relationships with. Sometimes these people think that they are
invincible and that nothing will happen to them. Or if something does happen to them, they are
not willing to take responsibilities for their actions. Even though the check list on 275 is in
regards to STDs, I still think that if we ask ourselves these questions before
we partake in sexual activity, it can make our lives easier. If you can’t answer yes to all of them, you
should probably wait…and waiting is not a bad thing.
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had
a choice: Explorations in personal
growth (9th ed.). Belmont,
California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.
Fleishmann, A.A, Spitzberg, B.H., Andersen,
P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the
monster:
Jealousy induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Persona relationships,
22(1), pgs. 49-73.
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