Week 11 - Loneliness and Solitude

As I've thought about and prepared for my creative project, I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on my childhood, adolescence, and adult life. I've reflected on who I was, who I am, and who I want to become. These moments of reflection have all been possible through times of solitude.

Growing up, I often took for granted the fact that I had my own room and space. College changed that a bit as I had a roommate, but I was still very free to follow my own schedule, go for a run, go work out, or do whatever I needed in order to get some time alone. So, for the first 22 years of my life I feel like it was really easy to find people to be around when I wanted and be by myself when I needed. I'm not saying I was never lonely, but I don't think that I ever really grasped the true isolation or pain of loneliness and I don't think I was ever able to grasp the true gift of solitude.

Then, I moved to Africa... by myself. I knew no one and was 8,000 miles away from my family, friends, culture, and my whole world. I certainly enjoyed my time there and most days went by pretty pain free, but there were other days - moments - when severe loneliness hit and I felt lost, hurt, invisible... It was a time when my faith was solidified as I searched for companionship in Christ, but the tears were still present. This intense loneliness happened more infrequently as time went on. I build relationships with those around me and was 'adopted' into a family that loved and cared for me as their own. But the feeling of being alone never fully went away and I carry the valuable lesson I learned through this time with me daily. That intense loneliness taught me there is great value in 'me' time. I learned, in a communal culture where there is almost no personal space, to find my space and solitude amidst a group of people. I learned how to escape in a room full of bodies and how to re-center myself each day for a specific purpose. It taught me to appreciate being alone and to always find a healthy balance between personal time and social time, and I believe I have grown tremendously as a person because of it.

Loneliness is one of those things that we all understand to a certain degree. As a school counselor, helping busy, social clients discover ways to spend time alone with purpose could be very beneficial. On the other side of the spectrum, helping shy, lonely students discover ways to build friendships and recognize how those relationships can enhance their times of solitude could challenge them to grow in profound ways, as well.

Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Managing Stress. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice (132-169). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.