Blog 9: Sexuality/Jealousy

             After reading this week’s journal, I feel much better about the jealousy I sometimes experience with my boyfriend. Maybe it shows I care. Because I have always been a little jealous in my relationships, I have never intentionally tried to make a boyfriend jealous. I do not enjoy the feeling so I would not want to subject someone that I care about to it. In my current relationship, the greatest extent my boyfriend will go to in order to make me jealous is to text one of our mutual girl friends and then tease me about it. When we are out with friends, however, I tend to feel anxious if he is spending more time with other girls than me and I react in a relational compensatory way and either cry or talk to him about it. Even though it may signal a healthy relationship, I have been taking steps to prevent jealously lately by asking that he come give me a hug occasionally when we are with friends to let me know he is still thinking about me. So far it has been working out very well!

            Sexuality: Such an important yet often taboo subject. My sexuality has been an interesting journey and has been influenced by my upbringing in two opposite directions. I was a very conservative Christian until about four years ago. Sex was something to be saved until marriage. Masturbation was something highly frowned upon and not a topic that was discussed. If it ever was brought up, it was talked about as a sin. On the other hand, I had a very open father who talked rather freely about his relationships and encouraged me to have sex when I was 21 and still a virgin. “Just get it over with,” he stated. He and my step-mom actually had a safe sex talk/demonstration (with condoms and bananas) with my brothers and I when we were still in middle school. They encouraged me to make sure that, when I do have sex, I wear a condom. Until I was almost 22, I held strong to my Christian convictions and waited.

            Once I made the decision to have sex, I was in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who never pressured me go further sexually than I wanted to go. I am so grateful to my religion that I waited to lose my virginity to someone I truly loved. From there, I took hold of more of my dad’s advice, but it is also where my religion had hurt me. I entered relationships not knowing what I wanted sexually and was too afraid to talk about it. I suffered sexually because I would put the needs of others ahead of mine and never express what I wanted, not that I really knew what I wanted anyways. Then I met my now boyfriend. He is patient, open, and giving. He has helped me achieve the balance that I never had before I met him.

Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal

growth (9^th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.

Fleishmann, A.A, Spitzberg, B.H., Andersen, P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the

monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal relationships, 22(1), pgs. 49-73.