This week’s reading on sexuality was very interesting
to me. Corey and Corey (2010) talk about how so many different aspects really
influence our own sexuality and how we personally view sexuality. Well, my
views of sexuality are very strongly influenced by my parents and my religion.
I was taught from a very young age that sex was something special and should
not be done before two people are married. This idea was just strongly
reinforced by my church and by all of my family. I went into college as a very naive
freshmen and really had no idea about sex except that people who were having
sex outside of marriage were wrong and should be ashamed of themselves. Then, I
took a human sexuality course. This course opened my eyes to what being sensual
and sexual really meant. I finally started to realize that it shouldn’t be something
that I was ashamed or embarrassed to talk about, it was something that was very
human and was a special connection that two people could share in.
After
developing this new perspective I really struggle with being two different
people. I can’t let my mom know how open I had become to sex and that I really
didn’t see why it needs to be such a taboo topic, and the person who is free to
talk about sexuality with my college friends and colleagues. I still struggle
with this today, but my mom is slowing becoming more open to my opinions and
ideas about this topic. I don’t find that I am someone who really wants to go
out and have sex with anyone who I possibly can but I don’t see that having sex
with the person that I love before we are married as a terrible sin like my
family seems to make it out to be. I struggled for a long time thinking that
they would look at me as a different person, but I soon realized that they don’t,
my mom actually opened up to me and told me that she didn’t wait until marriage
and she realized that it wasn’t fair for her to hold me to standards that she
didn’t keep for herself. I think this whole experience that I have had with
sexuality will really be useful when I am working with students who have
different beliefs than their family and they have a hard time accepting
themselves as a good person. I can work with them to see that we are all
individuals and we don’t need to think the same as our parents, being different
and having different views is a good thing and it helps add variety to life.
The
article this week on jealously really just hit home with me. I found it interesting
that Fleishmann, et al.(2005) found that jealously can actually lead to positive
relational response. I can really agree with this finding. I think that
sometimes when two people are in a committed relationship for a long time they
can become very complacent. They start taking each other for granted and really
feel like they don’t have to worry about losing them to anyone else. I feel
that a little bit of jealousy really does help to open the person’s eyes to the
fact that their partner chooses to be with them, and they could just as easily
choose to be with someone else if they don’t treasure them. I think a little
bit of jealousy is a good wakeup call and can really help each of the parties
in the relationship realize how much they love and care for one another. I know
when I ever feel a little twinge of jealousy towards some girl flirting with my
fiancé it opens my eyes to how lucky I am to have him, and when he gets a
little jealous over some guy it reassures me that he is committed. I don’t
think controlling jealousy is good, but a little jealousy seems to be
beneficial.
Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010).
Managing Stress. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice
(132-169). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.
Fleishmann, A.A, Spitzberg, B.H.,
Andersen, P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the monster: Jealousy
induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
22(1), 49-72.
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