The other night at dinner my husband and I were each discussing
our greatest fears (Typical dinner conversation, right?!). While reading this chapter, I was reminded of
this conversation and I realized that, unlike my husband, both of my fears
involved death. The one fear was being
tortured to death by being burnt alive or something of that nature (like I said,
GREAT dinner conversation!) and the other fear was if my husband were to
die. I realize that death is inevitable,
but for me, at this time in my life, I am not ready for death. I think at my age, most 25 year olds are not
planning out their death, but I’ve realized that death can be completely
unexpected and that’s what truly scares me.
This
chapter evoked so many emotions for me and it even sparked a very thought
provoking conversation with my husband about each of our deaths. I appreciated that this chapter not only
discussed the thoughts of family members and friends who are grieving, but also
the thoughts of those in the process of dying and how they cope with those
feelings. I was forced to think about my
own life and if I were diagnosed tomorrow with a terminal illness, what things
will I wish that I had done more of? What aspects of my life are taking time
away from the things that truly make me happy? How can I be more mindful in my
daily routine? Although death is an
upsetting topic to think about, I do think that by allowing ourselves to
explore these feelings, we may find ourselves more grateful for the life that
we are given the opportunity to live. Yalom
discussed his dealings with death anxiety as he worked with his psychotherapy
clients (as cited in Corey & Corey, 2010, p. 341), “the wish to survive and
the dread of annihilation are always present.
This is a pervasive fear to live with, yet it can teach us as much about
living as dying” (2008).
Not
only did this chapter relate to me in relation to my own death, but also in the
way that I have dealt with other family members deaths. My senior year of high school, my
grandmother, whom I called Gigi, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My Gigi was extremely special to me and she
was the person in my family that I probably closest related to. We were interested in the same things and even
with our age differences we loved the same make up, shoes, and purses. Her death was extremely hard on my family
because it required my mom to spend weeks at a time at my Gigi’s house. Because my Gigi lived almost 2 hours away, we
did not get to spend a lot of time with her in those last few months. I would go visit her with my mom though and I
would sit in silence and just stare at her.
Because she was so sick, she was normally not very responsive and so I
felt like I no longer knew her. I was so
scared watching her die and although I wanted her to be out of her pain, I did
not want to lose her.
This
chapter helped me to realize some of the emotions that I was feeling a few
years ago. Being that my Gigi was the
first person that I ever knew to die; her death was extremely hard for me. I still get upset sometimes and I think that
I still will for a long time. I have accepted her death, but I think of her
often.
Corey,
G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Death and Loss. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I
Never Knew I Had a Choice. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.
Yalom, I. D. (2008). Staring
at the sun: Overcoming the terror of
death. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
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