It used to be
easier to spend time alone. At one point in my life I used to relish in time
spent by myself. I easily balanced time for myself with a healthy social life. I
would choose to have dinner alone; go to the park or hike alone. Presently, I
am often inundated by chores, errands and activities and constantly available
to others. My physical alone time is often in the car for fleeting moments
between activities or in the few minutes before bed as I speed through my
mental to do list and calendar. Thankfully, I have learned to experience mental
solitude in the time I devote to my yoga or meditation.
Through quality alone
time, my mind is free to connect and process my current state. I can listen to
my true self, not my ego needs. I also feel more connected to others when I
take time to be by myself. When I am too busy, I ruminate on events as opposed
to connecting to my grounded and centered strength. I allow others to be first,
a lot. Though not considerate of me, I have come to equate over-giving with
kindness and care. The guilt of not being there emotionally for others pushes
me further from this time. This is most likely a defense mechanism I have
created to avoid the impact of my shyness (Corey, 2010). I fear getting close
to others due to my fear of rejection and loss. These cycles keep gaining
strength the longer the habits persist.
I have learned to
manage my emotions better through the practice of meditation. Hodgson and
Wertheim (2007) discuss the importance of self love and forgiveness as a major
factor in healthy emotional management. I do not hold grudges against others. I
do not often judge what others do or say to me. I am a very forgiving and
trusting person- sometimes to a fault. However, when I am not centered, I criticize
and mull over my own words and actions. Through mindfulness, I have learned to
steer my thoughts from rumination and open to forgivingness. I have learned to
let some of my demons go that limit me. According to Taming Your Gremlin (2003), self
defeating and limiting thoughts are reduced through the simple act of
acknowledging the thoughts and letting them go. In short when I treat myself with
the same kindness I do others, I overcome many of my challenges.
One of the
requirements for advanced mindfulness training is to attend a silent retreat.
Though daunting, this is truly an experience I would like to have. I believe it
would be difficult for me to detach from my world, my media outlets and my
family for even a weekend. Yet, I think it would be a very worthwhile journey
into my individuality. As my relationships with others continue to grow and
change, it is vital that I honor my own essence in its own context.
Carson,
R. D. (2003). Taming your gremlin: a surprisingly simple method for getting
out of your own way (Rev. ed.). New York: Quill.
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a
choice: Explorations in personal
growth (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson
Brooks/Cole. ISBN: 9780495602293.
Hodgson, L.K.,
& Wertheim, E.L. (2007). Does good emotion management aid
forgiving? Multiple
dimensions of empathy, emotion management and
forgiveness of self
and others.Journal of Social and Personal
Relationships, 24(931-949).
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