Of all the chapters this was by far the most difficult for me. I know myself very well. I know that I can deal with literally ANYTHING I face except one thing-the loss of the people I love. I love my family very much. They have always shown me love too. I think of the things I own and I would gladly give any of them away instead of losing a life. I remember being heartbroken when my grandmother and grandfather died. I know that one day I will lose more loved ones and I need to come to terms with the reality that life does end. Knowing how much death can bother me, I decided to research the field of grief and loss. I have spent several years reading books on the topic and even volunteering for the Hospice of Lancaster County. I am by NO means an expert, in fact I believe that the more you know the more you realize you don't know. However, I have learned a good deal about learning to regulate my own emotions and helping others do so. I just fear that all of my knowledge will melt away someday when the inevitable happens. Sometimes I wish I didn't love so deeply, then maybe things would not hurt as much. But then again, I love being able to feel love so I guess that's just another one of the great mysteries of life. I know this is an area I need to keep working through.
I think the thing that scares me the most about death is that it's the greatest unknown. I have my faith to guide me but I still have a difficult times coming to terms with the permanency of death. I hate when I get caught up in silly, stupid trivial things like what to wear when life is so big and so grand and so fleeting. I try my hardest to ignore trivial problems and focus on the beauty around me. I ALWAYS say I LOVE YOU to my family, no matter how mad I may get during the course of the day. I look at my little son and the thought of being separated from him or anyone in my family for that matter, drives me crazy. I know that this is one of my true weak spots(and strengths) my love for my family.
Knowing how precious life is, I have such a hard time reading about suicides. I have had moments in my own life when I have been very sad, but the thought of leaving those I loved would have seemed so much worse. I grew to learn that people who commit suicide must have felt there was no another alternative and that is heartbreaking. Corey and Corey (2012) address the deep complexities of suicide, addressing the issue of suicide as the ultimate choice, surrender or tragedy. I feel it is the ultimate tragedy as one NEVER knows what the next day will bring. I think of all the souls who left this world by their own hand and never had a chance to realize the potential beauty that they could have seen. As future counselors, we should be able to identify students who are potentially suicidal and to our best to reach out them. We also need to learn now to help kids who are hurting. There are a number of good books to read in this area including When Children Grieve by John W. James and Russel Friedman and My Son, My Son by Iris Bolton. I also love to read any book by Donna VanLiere (author of the famous story The Christmas Shoes) because her books help one to recall the childlike optimism they once experienced as kids. Give one of her books a try :)
Sorry to go on and on but this is a field that I need to keep exploring in order to learn to deal with inevitable losses and I want to continue to grow so I can help others work through them as well.
I realized I forgot to reference the Hodgson & Wertheim (2007) article with my last blog (sometimes I get carried away!) but I was able to connect it to this week's material. The article discussed the importance of perspective-taking and the ability to forgive. It was noted that people who can understand the perspectives of others are more prone to forgiveness. I think about how forgiveness is such an important part of surviving especially for those who have had to deal with the aftermath of a loss through suicide. I would be interested to see a study on those bereaved individuals and how they learn to heal.
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a choice:Explorations in personal growth. (9th ed.) Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.
Hodgson,K. & Wertheim, M.L. (2007). Does good emotion manegement aid forgiving? Multiple dimensions for empathy, emotion management and forgiving. 24; 931-949.
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