Sunday, April 21, 2013

Loneliness vs forgiveness


            As we lead up to the week of my presentation, not this coming Tuesday but the following, my mind is constantly thinking of all the things and ways I want to share how I’ve grown through my experiences and personal trials. So I will try to write this blog without getting side tracked about my project.

            I’ll recap our presentations this past week first before moving into my thoughts on the readings. Matt was my favorite presenter this week (no offense Erica and Allison)!! Matt has previously said in our group that I am the white female version of him and after hearing his presentation I am yet again affirming this statement. Music is a HUGE part of my life and can help me work through things, feel emotions that I’m not willing to express otherwise, and basically just reach right into my soul when nothing else really can. Music does things with and for me that no other person/thing could because I don’t always like expressing my emotions openly or truthfully (i.e. admitting why I’m crying/upset). I loved that Matt had us listen to a song in Japanese just to see if we could figure out the meaning of the song without knowing what the lyrics were saying. I simply cannot rave enough about how much I enjoyed his presentation.

            That being said, I also enjoyed both Erica and Allison’s presentations on public speaking. Public speaking is something that pretty much everyone fears and the degree to which is all that varies. I liked seeing how both presentations were so different yet about the same topic. It was also interesting that the how’s and why’s they both grew through public speaking were so different. I feel that this is just a testament to the fact that although each of us is presenting a means to grow through situations anyone could use the same technique but use it and grow in a completely unique way with an equally satisfying, positive outcome.

            Now for this week’s readings, the Corey and Corey text addressed loneliness and solitude. I found the information shared compelling because, as we will learn in my presentation, I’ve lead a relatively lonely life filled with solitude. I, however, never appreciated my solitude when I had it, but now that I don’t have hardly any time for solitude in my life I seek it out whenever possible. My life is presently so rigorously jam packed with things to do and expectations it frequently feels like I don’t have time to breathe. Being a single mom, employed full time, and taking graduate courses doesn’t leave time to just sit and evaluate life. And even when I have a night off (like this weekend) I chose to soothe my soul by hanging out with Julia and having a blast rather than have a night of solitude. It’s difficult to choose between fostering new friendships and solitude especially with how stressful my life is/can be, but I know that I just have to take each day and each experience as they come because having an amazing strong friend to lean on in times of stress is much more important to me than pondering all of my rambling thoughts. However, on a different day/time I might have chosen the solitude and relaxation of being alone. I also want to note that I’ve read the “Richard Cory” poem that’s noted on page 320 previously and I think that this is what frequently happens to people that end up committing suicide - they feel so uniquely alone in their overwhelming situation that they don’t realize how many people admire them for what they seem to have.

            As for the online article about forgiveness, I don’t really know what to say. I find that I forgive people easily. I feel like for me I forgive people not because I empathize or understand what they’ve done and why (although I usually do understand what their motives/intentions were), but rather I forgive because I accept that that’s the type of person they are and then they’re stuck dealing with whatever they’ve done wrong and the knowledge that they’ve lost some aspect of me, my respect, or my friendship because of it. I don’t mean that to sound vain because I’m not at all trying to say that I’m so amazing that people would be devastated or lost without me, but rather that if they didn’t correct their actions or make amends for themselves then that is something that they will have to deal with and not something that I will be upset by and fester over. For me, life is too short and I have enough of my own burdens to bear I don’t need to waste my time carrying someone else’s baggage around too. So instead I choose to recognize that sometimes people make mistakes or sometimes they’re genuinely out to hurt you for their own personal reasons, whether it’s to get revenge for some wrong they feel you’ve done to them or because they don’t care about others feelings. Whatever the case, I cannot, and perhaps more accurately, choose not to live my life worrying about their decisions and hurtful ways but rather to accept what has happened cannot be undone and move forward on my path regardless of whether they continue to be a part of it from that point on, or not.

References:

Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Loneliness and Solitude. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice (314-337). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.

Hodgson, L.K., & Wertheim, E.L. (2007). Does good emotion management aid forgiving? Multiple dimensions of empathy, emotion management and forgiveness of self and others. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 24; 931-949.

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