Week 9 - Sexuality

I found it interesting that the first section of our chapter for this week was titled, "LEARNING to Talk Openly about Sexual Issues." I think it is important to recognize that openness with sexuality is something that is learned, and just as any other thing that is learned, whether it's math, writing, electrical wiring, or basketball, it can be practiced and there is always room to grow and improve. For me, that makes thinking about and talking about sexuality exciting and brings an element of newness to each conversation, whether with friends, romantic partners, classmates or family members.

Sexuality was a topic that didn't really exist within family conversations when I was growing up. I remember bringing up sex with my mom once when I was 15. I had some questions and wanted to ask her, instead of relying on my friends' sex information, which I was pretty certain was not completely accurate. My timing was somewhat off, I think, because we were watching a Ricky Lake episode about teenage moms when I popped my sex question. (Looking back, I probably could have found a better time to bring up the subject, but the show really got me thinking and I've never been one to hold back when my curiosity takes over.) I remember asking my mother something about sex and clearly remember her response, "You're not ready for sex!" That concluded our conversation and she walked out of the room. I can honestly say that we haven't had an open conversation about sexuality since.

I did learn how to talk openly about sexuality when I worked on the AIDS Hope team in South Africa, however. My team and I did HIV/AIDS trainings for all kinds of populations - community leaders, middle school students, college students, pastors, international missionaries, and about any other type of group you could imagine. Many of the trainees were not native English speakers, which made the already challenging topics involving the biology of HIV, modes of transmission, and methods of protection even more of a challenge. After translating 'oral sex' to a room full of esteemed, but minimal English speaking pastors, through hand and mouth motions, nothing else has seemed too awkward.

As I've thought about the connections between sexuality and jealousy within relationships, I've come to the conclusion that I think both are centered on the same thing: open honest communication between two people which is based on a mutual trust. Learning to talk openly about sexuality, developing and maintaining sexual values, understanding and overcoming guilt related to sexuality, and the jealousy goals participants gave in the Fleischmann study (including testing the relationship, boosting self-esteem, improving the relationship, and seeking more atention) could all be addressed by openly and honestly communicating needs and concerns to one another. In counseling situations, I think it is important to focus on these communication skills and the client's awareness of feelings that may lead them to avoid conversation and intimate expression of needs, desires and fears within relationships.
Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2008). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9^{th ed.).} Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole.

Fleishmann, A.A, Spitzberg, B.H., Andersen, P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 22(1), 49-72.