Alone Time

I have always been a person who appreciates (and often craves) solitude. I have always viewed this as a positive trait, as I have no problem occupying my time when I’m alone and don’t often feel lonely, even when I am alone. This has resulted in misunderstanding and complications with others in the past though. I’ve tended to have close friends who do not share this same trait of mine, and so they often could not understand why I disappeared from time to time in order to do my own thing. Sometimes they would even be insulted when I did not choose their company over having the opportunity to read a good book or catch up on one of my favorite tv shows. Similarly, because I don’t necessarily require a lot of attention and maintenance in my relationships, I am also less likely to give this sort of attention to others, and I think I have hurt my friends’ feelings in the past by not keeping in touch as much as they expect. What they perhaps don’t understand, though, is that I need this time to reenergize and connect with myself in order to be the best possible version of me when I actually am spending time with them. I was happy that the Coreys also recognize the value of solitude, distinguishing between loneliness and being alone and recognizing solitude as when “we make time to be with ourselves, to discover who we are, and to renew ourselves” (Corey, G., and Corey, M., 2010, p. 316). I found the Hodgson and Wertheim article interesting because I had always viewed myself as someone with fairly high emotional intelligence, but I also have a tendency to hold grudges and find it difficult to forgive others in certain cases. I know that even the way I hold a grudge is particularly unhealthy, as I tend to cut the person off fairly quickly for perceived wrongs instead of taking the time to explore the issue in great depth. Similar to how I interact with others, I am also especially hard on myself and find it difficult to engage in self-forgiveness when I do something that I find disappointing. Again, I understand the connection the authors make with the ability to empathize with others and the tendency to be forgiving, but I find don’t find that the connection between these two traits is necessarily manifested in my own life. Corey, G., & Corey, M.S. (2010). I never knew I had a choice: Explorations in personal growth (9th ed.). Belmont, California: Thompson Brooks/Cole. Hodgson, L.K., & Wertheim, E.L. (2007). Does good emotion management aid forgiving? Multiple dimensions of empathy, emotion management and forgiveness of self and others. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 24; 931-949.