Blog 9

I connected to the chapter on sexuality right off the bat. I’ve discussed in other classes that it has been a pattern in my past relationships that I tended to expect my partner to know what I wanted and, if they didn’t provide it, I reacted negatively. This is something that I feel I have overcome as far as talking about my emotional and intellectual needs in relationships, however I fall victim to avoiding the “touchy” subject of sexuality when I feel dissatisfied. Corey and Corey (2010) highlight the myth that if my partner loves me, they will know exactly what to do to please me sexually (pg. 259). This, coming from a woman who has “exaggerated” many pleasurable reactions  to boyfriends in her life, I feel that I should have learned by now that I need to face the awkwardness  and approach the orgasm I deserve head-on.

                I continued to relate when Corey and Corey (2010) listed some myths about sexuality (pg. 263). As an avid reader of Cosmopolitan Magazine and watcher of Sex and the City (It’s a guilty pleasure thing-leave me alone!) it has been engrained into my schema surrounding sex that a woman will become less desirable by a man if she is too forward in initiating sex with him. This idea completely goes against my instinct as a human (I tend to go after what I want), so it was refreshing to see that this does not have to be something I have to conform to.

                In addition to growing and maturing out of my past instinct to assume my partners knew what I wanted in the relationship, I also feel (and have shared several times—who am I proving it to, you or me?) that I have grown out of my immediate tendency to be jealous of other women when I’m in a romantic relationship. However, because of the recentness of that change the article from Fleishmann, et al. (2005) still hit close to home. A characteristic of a jealous person is to give the silent treatment (pg. 51) which, for those of you who know the story, was the final straw that allowed me to leave a psychologically abusive relationship last semester (I hesitate over typing the “a” word, but. . .).  

                Finally, I will touch on the idea that a person will intentionally make their partner jealous in order to feel better about themselves (Fleishmann, et al., 2005). This form of bullying is something I mastered in high school. You all know about my first love, Jimmy. He was dedicated to me, but he also was the most popular kid in his school, so everyone loved and knew him. Because I went to a different high school, 45 minutes from his, I chose to create a persona for myself in which I was the most popular girl at my high school. I would often sit in bed reading (something that makes me happy) and text him to tell him about the cool party I was at (an activity that didn’t really make me happy, but I wanted to seem cool) in order to give him the jealous feelings I felt when he was being the big man on campus and I was being the averagely popular girl.

                These ideas about sexuality and jealousy (and all of my creative anecdotes from my past) all stem from the same thing-insecurity. Insecurity that I will not be considered cool, that I will be embarrassed, and that I might lose someone who isn’t right for me anyway. Luckily I’ve, as you know, grown out of it.

Corey, G. & Corey, M. S. (2010). Managing Stress. In Brooks/Cole (9th edition), I Never Knew I Had a Choice (132-169). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.

Fleishmann, A.A, Spitzberg, B.H., Andersen, P.A., & Roesch S.C. (2005). Tickling the monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 22(1), 49-72.